..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
