they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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