i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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