why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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