She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
