Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
