i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
