That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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