my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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