Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
