just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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