She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
