I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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