we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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