no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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