I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
do nipples grow back?
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