hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
