who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
