I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
