We named our party play list daddy issues
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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