You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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