i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
