you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
