u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
