Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
