you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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