why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
