I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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