Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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