I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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