I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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