i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love you.
Bad choice
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
