Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
