I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
