This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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