so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
