i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
