your parents love me but you hate me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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