i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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