I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
