my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!