Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here