There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
