He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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