my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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