I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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