I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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