Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
