I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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