he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
