i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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