where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
