Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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