Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
