I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
