I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
