and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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