Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
