I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
