If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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