My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize