she kept yelling 'call me bella'
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
