You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Randomize
