Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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