i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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