as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
