I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
