So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
