I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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