Christians are straight up FREAKS
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
