I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I want a musical about memes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
