Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got her a Nickelback box set.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
