Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
