So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was confusing and full of hummus
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
