Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize