I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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